Evil Genius at Play

July 11, 2010

It is of critical import for an Evil Genius to master the most minute intricacies of physics, but easily overlooked are the equally powerful studies of dystopic revolution and pseudopsychological morphology. Many EG’s will spend years–even decades–with (evil) brows furrowed over the dance of molecular displacements and particle response theorems, squishing in reactionary social functions and government destabilization courses only on nights and weekends, when they have a bit of off time to devote to the softer side of the field.

Due to my uniquely inborn talents in both aspects of the antisocial sciences, I have been blessed with an advanced aptitude for Evil Geniusing that is based entirely on a set of self-supplied credentials and exercised largely in my unceasing quest to outsmart, out-league, and over-awe that most dastardly of deadly foes (and sometimes most helpful henchman)–myself.

As such, I shall now share with all of you my newly developed corollary to the Practical Math Theory (2nd Edition, Revised, with graphics and annotated appendix).

Productivity Inhibition and Enhancement Techniques


1. Productivity (P) shall be limited by Time (t) as an inverse multiple of Ideas (I) over Opportunity (Q).

2. Character activity (c) shall be excitable by the application of P+t (where t is understood to be finite and diminishing).

3. Writing Productivity (wP) shall be understood to have a negativly asymptotic relationship with Time multiplied by focus (such as: wP=-(t(f)))

4. Household Productivity (hP) shall have the same relationship as (3).

Application of the following is postulated to result in desirable outcomes:

1. Reduce f to a negative, non-real set variable and apply evenly across t.

2. Oscillate f between wP and hP, periodically substituting the square of Q.

3. Both instances of P shall increase steadily over t, with a positivly asymptotic appearance of IdeasI.*

Basically, this means that I have once again outsmarted myself, and am going to go vaccuuuum, cook, clean, and do laundry while simultaneously working on–er, ignoring–the stories that shall inevitably present themselves in a brilliant scheme to make everything happen at once.


*In certain models, this action has resulted in the mathematical equivalent of Crossing the Streams, but we choose to belive that this was a modelling error resulting from not Writing Down Every Step Of Solving The Problem, and have dismissed it as being totally irrelevant and unlikely to be true (a working theorum we have adopted for EVERYTHING our high school math teacher told us.**)

**While it is true that there are not quantifiable correllations between “High School Math Teacher” and “Utterly Perfidious Evil*** Manifested Upon An Unsuspecting Universe”, we do not find this inhibitive to using it asa working relationship.

***A totally different kind of evil from Evil Geniuses, which is what we are, in the kind smiley butterlies, unicorns, explosions, and salt-water taffy way****.

****That is, EVIL butterflies, unicorns, explosions, and salt-water taffy.



  1. This is dastardly brilliant and has absolutely made my (evil) morning.
    – J

  2. This may be of assistance to you:

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